thoughts on potty training

• it is the supreme act of faith of early-years parenting as the entire family sets off into uncharted pools of bodily excretions
• there is a constant tussle between the need to move the child to diaper-independence and backsliding into the adult's diaper dependence 
• hence it requires patience persistence perseverance and pure grit in its most unvarnished and committed form
• the modern child is quickly exposed to an array of incentives including potty-themed books dates raisins and other snacks 
• adults are to be prepared for prolonged disappointment and occasional yelps of delight

in a guarded and cautious sense, HOM and i are fortunate to be part of this phase of little A's life.

final week

here we are HOM and i, fast coming to the end of the month we spend with Ji J2 A and E. as well as S and A the cats.

with gratitude at seeing a teeny weeny wizened babe guzzle her way to decent weight gain. with delight at being around a toddler, a blank canvas to teach to coach to protect and to show to.

with relief at coming to the end of keeping a household intact alive and functioning. (how will the young people keep themselves intact alive and functioning after we go?)

with regret that we cannot gift them more of our time. with gladness and joy at this season we are gifted with.

IGU list

as in, books i give up reading part way through:

• killer in a white coat - charlotte bismuth (2024): she has a truly irritating strategy of switching between the past the past the present the past the present the recent past and 2000 days ago. plus i really do not want to know about how her marriage disintegrates. just tell me about the killer!
• nora roberts et al: a series of novellas: i guess mark greenside's freshly crisp prose has spoilt me for the other more maudlin version
• james patterson: entirely too gritty for now

i'll never be french - mark greenside (2008)

laugh-out-loud wit coupled with sharp cross cultural observations written with obvious affection and a self-deprecation i am pleasantly surprised to encounter in un américain. very bill bryson.

i am also surprised to discover his progressive background because this book is a love letter to ordered conservative status quo.

charmant. i am now looking for his other books.

reasons to visit costco

J2's: she is running out of hand soap toilet paper chicken and broccoli

HOM's: he wants to get his beloved cashews and pistachios

me: i want the haagen dazs ice cream bars on sale at $8.99 a box of 20 (yasss)

A: she wants the grub samples

E: she is helpless and simply follows the milk

a visit to the doctor's

little A has a pediatrician's appointment so HOM and i tag along (to be accurate we tag along because J2 promises us a trip to costco after the doctor's).

i am agog at the friendly vibe. cutesy prints on the wall pretty prints on the chairs all manner of print for reading and the notices printed in blacktear script. my first time at a pediatrician's, i whisper to HOM.

did our children not go to the pediatrician? HOM asks me. nah, i confess. 

back in the day, only very ill kids see the pediatrician. the others see the maternal and child health services people. the name alone tells you there are no frills there.

operation deep clean

the food detritus is awe-inspiring, but not in a good awesome way. and it's not rocket science, HOM and i tell each other. hence ensue jittery moments of uncertainty about the reversibility of it all, preferably before J2 comes downstairs or Ji returns from work or A awakens from her nap.

avant

et voila! après!

dinner place review

as dated a california diner as you can imagine

as un-japanese as music can get

with varsity sports playing on the wall TV

and sashimi to gladden our souls. oishi

gratitude

driving back from dinner it occurs to me how fortunate i am. to partake of sunrises and sunsets in the most gorgeous locations on a regular basis to know the four seasons in relative comfort and to have lived so easily in so many different homes.

agatha raisin - m.c. beaton (1992- )

a new series discovered, thanks to J2's recommendation.

she is alternately a snazzy career woman with deep pockets and a doozy kitschy klutz swooning over eligible males. there is that chubby oriental policeman foil to her character who appears to be wise beyond his years.

the murders are real enough the action is bloody enough and all is set in the charmingly retro cotswolds. fortunately there are 31 books. i shall ration them over time.

in return, i introduce J2 to hamish macbeth.

fancy that!

i meet a dog in church today.

or, a dog comes to church today.

or, dogs are ultra-included in church.

the thing about being a visitor, i tell HOM, is i can just look on in bemused wonder. nothing has to make sense to me. to his credit the dog does not bark during the service.

to little A, on the eve of your birthday

my special princess, who introduces me to the ineffable fascinations of being a grandmother! to whom i need be nothing more than present, nothing better than i am, bringing nothing more than what i have!

i wonder at your curious mind and your eagle eye. i am astonished at your unbelievable grasp of things i mention just once. i laugh with you at your sense of humor. how does a 2-year-old kiddo know to tease her grandfather just so? i am in awe of your determination in the park. when i follow you up the step-ladder i get a minor attack of altitude sickness. i love your generosity when you share the cashews with me your mom and even little E. i cringe when you grease the table and the chair feed your hair and the floor and smear your cheeks but miss the mouth. i worry when you notice that E is getting attention.

grow hard and grow well, A! be strong and able like your mom! be generous and open like your dad! be faithful and grounded, unafraid of life! may he who is able to do more than we ask for or imagine do all that, and more, in your life!

to little E, on the eve of your dedication

how much you have gone thru to get to this time, E! thru maternal stress and growth challenges to perinatal issues! and how much i have seen you grow to this time! you are like a little thriving magical elf, tiny self-assured and amazingly self-possessed-ly calm.

how glad i am to see you, E! you are planted in a garden of nurturing love filled with blooms of care and protectiveness and sheltering shade. you have a mother who is strong and able (and strong-willed!) and a dad who is all vigilant watchman (yet soft-hearted!) who loves your mother well enough to be a good father!

may God strengthen you in your inner (wo)man and form Christ in you and fill you with his fulness. may you know him richly, who is able to keep you from falling and present you on the last day before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy. may you live gladly and fully!

habit burger & grill

yummmmmmo. there's my first love in-n-out for the quotidian craving (Ji's words) and there's this char-grilled magic in sit-down grandeur for otherwise, protein-style without the pickles, thank you very much.

morning activity

we sit on the stoop, J2 A E and me, to watch the dump truck go by.

hiiii!!! says A to the truck driver.

i wonder how many kids he sees on his route, J2 says.

i simply wonder.

sapiens - yuval noah harari (2011)

the cognitive revolution. imagined realities.

objective subjective and inter-subjective constructs.

the global empire.

sweeping and fascinating. also deliberately provocative. 

all thumbs up.

on the incomprehensibility of A's diction

amongst the morass of gibberish that A continually sprouts are a few choice pearls of clear communication:

adult: A, can you do this please? 

A: NO (clear grammatical emphatic and prompt)

also,

A: hi!! (with full command of the diphthong so it comes out as haaiiiiii!!)

A: bye!! 

the rest is everyone's best guess, J2 not unexpectedly being the most accurate guesser.

date time 2

we plan a dinner out. Ji and J2 assiduously suggest fine dining places.

HOM and i make our way to a burger joint*. what's not to like? it's uncrowded. the burger is good. the fries are satisfying. the wine is (kinda) acceptable. the price is gentle on the wallet. then we schlepp home to an early supper and bed.

we have become a pair of doddering fogeys, HOM and i.

*eureka! fresno

notes on the u.s. of a.

fresh from a series of china visits, here are some thoughts:

• the air is much clearer for the relative absence of cigarette smoking pedestrians
• i never get ambushed by hocking and spitting folk. it's making me feel quite happily secure 
• it's a lot noisier on the roads thanks to gas and diesel. one misses the EVs
• but i don't get ambushed by silent mopeds either. here they have harley davidsons. no ambush. no sirree! we assault!
• pedestrian is king here. in a really quite quite satisfying way that would be laughed out of the room back in asia
• sticker shock is real. my poor heart. especially when you do some mental arithmetic to convert the currencies
• add to that the tipping culture. owww
• the roads are wider and the houses are prettier, in the white picket fence way to which i have been  acculturated 
• you smell bbq instead of five spices on your walks
• the people make eye contact and say how are you? but you know from experience it is just as impersonal as elsewhere

spring time!

we do a quick grocery run at walmart and notice that the tree at the carpark which was bald a week ago has put out fresh shoots.

i prefer autumn but the new life in spring remains amazing to behold.

date time

the girls go off on a playdate so HOM and i get a coffee date.

flat white and a read. murmur of adult conversation in the background with some free-floating indeterminate music. umm lovely.

one (month)

little E turns a month old.

she is a tiny bundle steadfastly gazing at the world.

she is an undersized delicate faerie.

a voracious feeding machine.

she is a little miracle each time i look at her.

HOM bakes her a special pandan-adzuki-santan cake.

which we partake of on her behalf.

yet not i

what gift of grace is Jesus, my redeemer

there is no more for heaven now to give

he is my joy, my righteousness and freedom

my steadfast love, my deep and boundless peace

grateful and glad yet amazed and bemused to sing this. to be able to sing this.

time-tested lure

from long ago when we first get to know macy's to today when the one day sale still makes us spend.

long day's end

today HOM and i play tour-the-playgrounds-in-the-neighborhood with little A.

we are bushed. 'nuff said.

no boundaries

here is a solar-battery-heated swimming pool for sale in costco. in addition to rather good wines at pretty decent prices that all-time-winner rotisserie chicken and food samples to gladden a hungry shopper's heart. not to mention jewelry prescription refills and books.

you have elon musk and co. and their ai shenanigans doing iconoclast acts but costco was there before them all.

step ball change - jeanne ray (2002)

i read this in refuge from this.

as hoped, it is sweet decent well-paced and leaves me with a warm fuzzy feeling for family and other awkward people.

also, it is remarkably easy to read and witty to boot.

spring sun

early morning walk in the nippy air and then emerging gladly from the shade into the warm embrace of sunshine even though back east we are trained from childhood to avoid the sun.

there are few more ineffable pleasures.

mediocre - ijeoma oluo (2020)

persuasive premise (it's on the cover).

strident tone. there's a chip on her shoulder.

pretty eloquent writing.

unfinishable. bah.

i am too old to read stuff that takes itself too seriously.

noble thoughts

one education superintendant's charge to new teachers, circa 2010 (?).

i am enchanted by his exhortation: teach students to win with class and to lose with dignity. ...teach them that there is a lot more to being a winner than the final game score. ...teach them to root for their team to win, not for the other team to lose. ...what to do when they lose.

good for him and his community, i think. for the country's sake, i hope they get their act back to around here.

consumer society

standing in the aisle

looking at the goods

wondering at the sellability

and amazed at the traffic

old tyme books

two lovely reminders of earlier phases in my life, courtesy of the clovis antique malls:

laura ingalls wilder's magical series (and nancy drew!) from before the dawn of awareness political correctness and feminist expectations.

i remember watching this and then reading the book in paltry paperback. here is the hard cover version!

old towne clovis

we spend a pleasant saturday morning rummaging.

thru the farmer's market some thrift stores (self-described antique stores) vintage buildings and even the town museum. the sun's warmth balances the nip in the air. 

picturesque-ness notwithstanding, HOM buys his baking pan from marshalls home goods. one must needs be pragmatic.

endless cycle

this is A's day, running on repeat:

• reading (not)
• playdoh
• playground
• lego
• sketch-a-doodle
• mop the floor

accompanied by a running commentary in gibberish punctuated by tantrums.

same as ever - morgan heusel (2023)

unusually for a modern american book, this one serves up new ideas right to the last chapter, with some gems along the way too. especially the thought, what have you experienced that i haven't that makes you believe what you do?

punchy story-telling in short attention-maintaining bytes.

i enjoyed it.

mini miracle

watching a child feed herself, it occurs to me that the fact that the food lands in the mouth and not on the floor is a feat that defies the laws of physics.

happy returns!

my resourceful resilient gentle helpmate

my rock who keeps me on the straight and narrow

my beloved my lover my friend

i wish you God's richest blessings

grandparenting

we get to return the baby when she is soiled upset hungry or unhappy

we have to learn a whole new toddler language

she gets new targets to twist around her little finger

we are assigned new roles in life

pretty awesome privilege

new world

little A discovers pockets.

now she saunters around like a little adult.

stereotyped

little A has us neatly classified.

she sees me and says, read!

she sees HOM and says, cashews!

eat cake - jeanne ray (2003)

warm cozy and sweet story line.

likable characters with relatable struggles. 

surprisingly authentic psychology.

as much tension as i can tolerate (minimal).

with luscious descriptions of cakes.

quite delicious.

pseudo-lunch

we stop by a ragged looking chinese place and become the only two asian-looking people in the (sparsely-occupied) place. our vegetable order turns out quite nicely i think (which is not what HOM thinks but then he has higher standards). the chicken dish (on the right) is unrecognizable.

on reflection, an establishment that advertises orange chicken to-go as their key offering is already suspect. we were forewarned.

yogurt ice cream

yasso. 

better than mini magnum.

yummo.

shopping

my boots from the online used goods circuit, purchased for a price i am embarrassed to repeat. intact waterproof and good lookin'.

there is asia with your lower cost of living and affordable almost-everything and then there is the thrift culture in the states which, if you couple with deal-of-the-day specials, can net you some unbelievable catches. girl ain't complainin'.

change of pace

so here we are at Ji and J2's and the focus emphatically switches from adult cares work weights various bypassing irritants and mature food options to elementary readers crumbs on every surface cheese slices and diapers. i vaguely remember i have another life somewhere else.

in other news, the cost of living here is stratospheric.