appraisal (32)

never think she loves him wholly; never believe her love is blind.

all his faults are locked securely in a closet of her mind.

all his indecisions folded like old flags that time has faded

limp and streaked with rain. and his cautiousness like garments

frayed and thin, with many a stain - let them be, oh! let them be!

there is treasure to outweigh them!

his proud will that sharply stirred climbs as surely as the tide,

senses strained too taut to sleep, gentleness to beast and bird,

humor flickering hushed and wide as the moon on moving water,

and a tenderness too deep to be gathered in a word.

- sara teasdale

last month of the year

 what i've been doing:

• binge-reading the in death series
• because i finished the forensic instincts series
• with the namesake thrown in for intellectual heft

• and cross-stitching J2 and Ji's gift
• but the prognosis for completing it in time is grim

• taking lots of walks with HOM
• we crossed thirty-two years this month
• that's more than half one's life 

thoughts from the pandemic

 three years on one has thoughts. the macro thoughts being:

• some people are self-serving. so are some nations
• and some people are just less capable. sometimes they have influence. more's the pity
• knowledge can change quickly. woe betide you if you miss the inflection point
• governance discipline and trust count. some societies just don't get it

the key micro thought:

• the mask is a wonderful invention

and a sneaky little quiet thought:

• is it alright if i still don't shake your hands? i don't want to fist bump either

seasonal sentiments

have had enough of crowds and festive songs on loop and hearty good cheer

but very thankful for the God who looked for me.

simeon and anna recognize the Lord in Jesus (rembrandt, c. 1629)

two oft-neglected very much below-the-radar almost certainly frail and elderly characters. think sarcopenia osteoporosis and stooping gait. one at least fourscore and four and one near the end of what sounds like a long life spent just waiting. so it is with a small rather pleasant shock that one realizes:

• it is possible to grow old and infirm without becoming spiteful silly and petty
• it is possible in fact to grow old graciously gracefully and with confidence

if i grow to be as old as anna and simeon i want to do so with the same purpose and hope. if you grow old with me, remind me not to grumble. 

winding down

time to put aside thoughtful thought-provoking and provocative reads and snuggle down with the book versions of the hallmark channel.

i should make this an annual tradition. yeehah december!

the namesake - jhumpa lahiri (2003)

elegant restrained compelling prose.

on the face of it, the story of a bengali immigrant family as they adapt to life in the united states.

on a deeper level, a masterly exploration of the intergenerational tensions that arise from spoken and unspoken expectations which transcend culture and age. read this if you have ever felt smothered by love. read this if you feel your love is rejected.

1 December

having waited an entire year for the end of the year

suddenly it's cooler

and thanksgiving has come and gone

and the streets are lighted up

arrgggghhhhhh

i'm not ready for the new year

supper

how generous you have been

how open and hospitable;

our hearts have been gladdened

and our spirits refreshed.

thank you!

to J1 and J2

how you have both grown! into adulthood and responsibilities and strategizing! and homes and pets and possessions! and into dreams and hopes and plans!

i thank God for the partners you have chosen. Y is outwardly gentle with a core of strength that matches your soft-heartedness, J1, with sharpness of thought that will make her your able partner. Ji has an eager and curious mind that is like yours, J2, and yet so unlike yours that he will be your strength and your foil. 

i thank God for the paths you have chosen. they are so different from our paths and yet not so different. thirty-odd years ago we trod divergent paths from friends and family and went courageously and recklessly into uncertainties and adventures. as you are doing today. may the tapestries you weave be richly intricate and festooned with all manner of gems.

i thank God for your faith. may you each be strengthened and built up and filled with His fulness. may you have hearts that reach out and hands that gladly share. may you be blessings, and may you be deeply blessed.