sunday thought

nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee!

e'en though it be a cross that raiseth me,

still all my song shall be, nearer, my God to thee,

nearer, my God to thee, nearer to thee!

...then, with my waking thoughts bright with thy praise

out of my stony griefs Bethel i'll raise;

so by my woes to be nearer, my God, to thee

nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee!

- sarah f. adams

some songs tap our feet, some songs we weep out. there is a place for both, and the second do not belong only to memorial services.

what's changed in 2 years

1. many more free wi-fi spots. what was life before this like??
2. the beltway expansion finally finished. it looks quite handsome too.
3. the little kids have grown bigger.

otherwise, not too much has changed. it is comfortingly like going back to your hometown.

old times 2 - getting out of it

winter travel is unpredictable. march is spring not winter. so HOM and i get nicely caught in the tailspin of an anachronism. that is to say, we get the full brunt of a snow storm on the day we fly out of d.c.

to be specific, the 'plane i am seated in gets mechanical trouble followed by communications trouble followed by crew time-out followed by de-planing followed by passenger tantrums followed by new crew time-out followed eight hours later by flight cancellation and re-assignment to a new flight to another continent.

the 'plane HOM is seated in gets into a super long line trying to get de-iced followed by mechanical trouble followed by power outage followed by another line to de-ice followed by some more mechanical trouble followed eventually by a missed connection.

but by God's great providence both our final flights land in changi at the same time three days later on the same terminal and are assigned adjoining baggage belts and we share a cab home.

i often say God is in control but to see just how much control is both awe inspiring and amazingly comforting.

old times

it is a visit that almost never was, as HOM and i fly in on five separate flights to meet again at the airport, in a county caught in a snow storm. we catch up with old friends over warm meals while the winds whip and the sleet falls. the faces are the same the names come back the stories continue unbroken and the challenges remain. uncle so-and-so had cancer last year, but he is well now by God's grace, they tell us. old mama so-and-so died last year. the young ones are graduating college this year! so-and-so is going to medical school! little so-and-so is getting married. 

we visit favorite haunts from before and eat at miyagi again. the cinnamon crunch bagel from panera bread calls my name as usual. we buy boxes of kosher salt because we can. the neighborhood street names come back effortlessly. never mind the gps, i tell HOM. i'm your gps.

it is a visit to the place of my flames and floods. the memories are not all untarnished. old anxieties fears and agonies remind me that they have lived side by side with friendships fellowship and comfort. it is a visit to teach me that the memory of pain moves me, but not with the same paralyzing fearsomeness as the pain itself. i learn that pain is in God's hands as much as joy and happiness. i pray i may not fear this.

it is a good visit, in the sense of a good and perfect gift.

sanctuary. not.

so, in addition to preachers urging me to bestow my good cheer upon my next-seat neighbor and telling the unsuspecting soul God loves you! i'm so glad to see you! i realize some new things to shudder at in church.

first off, there are all these people one has known for years who have taken to shaking my hand in order to wish me good morning! peace to you! please, can i just nod and smile? some of us function at a subsistence level of arousal.

here's the other thing. people have taken to ambushing old friends in order to sell cookies to/ raise funds through/ solicit help-support-attention-whatever from, all in the name of fellowship. it is enough to make a girl want to scuttle away from church.

to J2, from a proud mother

can a woman forget her nursing child,

and not have compassion on the [child] of her womb?

surely they may forget, yet I will not forget you.

- isaiah 49:15

more than anything else, i give thanks that you are his, and that he holds you in the hollow of his hand. may you have the assurance of his abiding presence and know the glorious fulness of his calling in your life. may you grow in grace and wisdom, and in time, in all comfort as he leads you. may you be richly blessed, and bless richly. 

appraisal

never think she loves him wholly - never believe her love is blind

all his faults are locked securely in a closet of her mind;
all his indecisions folded like old flags that time has faded, limp and streaked with rain, 
and his cautiousness like garments frayed and thin, with many a stain
let them be, oh let them be, there is treasure to outweigh them, 
his proud will that sharply stirred, climbs as surely as the tide.
senses strained too taut to sleep, gentleness to beast and bird,
humor flickering hushed and wide, as the moon on moving water,
and a tenderness too deep to be gathered in a word.
- sara teasdale

one has been given to have known the treasure.