sanctuary. not.

so, in addition to preachers urging me to bestow my good cheer upon my next-seat neighbor and telling the unsuspecting soul God loves you! i'm so glad to see you! i realize some new things to shudder at in church.

first off, there are all these people one has known for years who have taken to shaking my hand in order to wish me good morning! peace to you! please, can i just nod and smile? some of us function at a subsistence level of arousal.

here's the other thing. people have taken to ambushing old friends in order to sell cookies to/ raise funds through/ solicit help-support-attention-whatever from, all in the name of fellowship. it is enough to make a girl want to scuttle away from church.

to J2, from a proud mother

can a woman forget her nursing child,

and not have compassion on the [child] of her womb?

surely they may forget, yet I will not forget you.

- isaiah 49:15

more than anything else, i give thanks that you are his, and that he holds you in the hollow of his hand. may you have the assurance of his abiding presence and know the glorious fulness of his calling in your life. may you grow in grace and wisdom, and in time, in all comfort as he leads you. may you be richly blessed, and bless richly. 

appraisal

never think she loves him wholly - never believe her love is blind

all his faults are locked securely in a closet of her mind;
all his indecisions folded like old flags that time has faded, limp and streaked with rain, 
and his cautiousness like garments frayed and thin, with many a stain
let them be, oh let them be, there is treasure to outweigh them, 
his proud will that sharply stirred, climbs as surely as the tide.
senses strained too taut to sleep, gentleness to beast and bird,
humor flickering hushed and wide, as the moon on moving water,
and a tenderness too deep to be gathered in a word.
- sara teasdale

one has been given to have known the treasure.

gladness

that everyone is together for the close of the year

for meals and laughter and shopping and wonder 

in shared labor and scheming and clever strategy

by sun and candlelight

thanks be to God

who holds all things and gives generously out of all things.

mt batur

mt batur in bali, to one peak of which i am hauled by HOM and the kids one pre-dawn and from which i need to be handheld down. my quads and my hamstrings screech in agonal protest. it's ok, J1 keeps telling me. challenge develops character. it's all in the mind, HOM says. you can do it.

gentlemen. it's my character my mind my quads and my hamstrings.

cuca ♥ ♥ ♥

what i say is, this place makes up for some other meals we have in bali which are of the choose-your-seafood-sunset-on-the-beach-complete-with-noise-and-cigarette-smoke-and-oily-table-top type of dinner.

why i dislike the beach

1. the sand

2. the salt

what i say is, i like the beach in the same way i like the snow, which is on a postcard.